Things I Want to Tell You: A Public Service Announcement

I want to tell you why I’m not dieting anymore. I want to tell you, but I am afraid. I want to tell you, in joy, about the rolls that have come back to my arms, the measuring cups and spoons gathering dust in the drawer, the scale gathering dust in the linen closet–but I…

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Notre Dame is burning

Once, man built mountainsof wood and stoneand glassto obscure the light of God from the people,and these mountains loomed, in gaping majesty,to remind us of our basic lack. But in the present, post apocalypse, God is here.And he sets upon our towers of tinder, engulfed in flame.Upon rooftops–Once out of reach of peasants,now out of…

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Atomic Instagram Tour

I am watching you live on colored screensI am filled with your lackand it begins a great hole in mesuction in my belly, reaching out to my limbsblack matterpulling and stretching meuntil I am nothing but my basest makeupI am just atomsand when atoms are split, what are we thenfloating particles, glowing.underneath it alldo we…

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A Fat Woman Does Yoga with Great Joy

My muscles ache with use and I am tender.Fragile.Free.I quake through fat thighs,and feel the earth rising through me. I am not a beautiful animal, but functional, and vibrating with life. I can do things.Watch me lift my big body up stairways.Watch me walk with tiny toe taps,soft and silent as kitten paws.Watch me shimmy…

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something small, for Dan and all who loved him

It is April, and our friend is gone. We feel him in warm air and dewy breezes. We hear his booming laugh in the first rumbles of thunder. Yesterday, we remembered him. I silently mouthed the mourner’s kaddish, and the smell of warm soil drifted in through open doors. I sang him to the rafters…

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“But first, coffee”

I made a sign for the kitchen today. I made a sign because my therapist says I should try to find peace, and peace is slippery and elusive. I’m always chasing it around, but I just can’t catch it. So I woke up today, and I said, “My goal is peace,” and I made a…

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the second loss

The anniversary can pass unnoticed, but the body remembers. The pall is cast over sunny days. The chest is tight at the sight of sun on bare trees, the smell of bulbs bursting under cold earth. Somehow the anniversary escaped you, but the grief exploded within, shadows dancing in the mind’s eye–church basements, rehearsing songs…

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